


The One Where Jareth finds out Freddie Might be Right

by jetredgirl



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Copious Queen References, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Freddie Mercury of course, Implied Sexual Content, goblin antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 05:57:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetredgirl/pseuds/jetredgirl
Summary: A spell goes awry. Unusual things happen. Goblins sing Queen. Turns out, Jareth doesn't mind it so much. At least as an occasional treat. He does like his peaches plump and juicy, after all. T for bulgy issues and implied sexy times. Crackfic. Pun intended. Freddie = Freddie Mercury. Inspired by that classic booty worship tune, "Fat Bottomed Girls."





	The One Where Jareth finds out Freddie Might be Right

Sarah had a problem. A BIG problem.

As she had only been Goblin Queen a few months, she had to practice long hours learning to use her magic. Jareth told her explicitly to NOT do so unless under his supervision for her own safety.

It had all started with a flower. She had fallen in love with these tiny patterned rainbow flowers that were spread all over various areas of the kingdom in larges swaths of vibrant colors. Excepted they were so small she could hardly see the little labyrinthine patterns on them.

So she had an idea. That with a little magic she could make them bigger.

Well, that was her first step on the path that led her to be standing in front of her mirror and wondering how the hell she would explain what happened to Jareth.

"Shit. I hope it isn't permanent." She mumbled.

She twirled around. "It isn't that noticeable is it?" she asked the goblin maid cleaning the floor.

Well she was supposed to be cleaning the floor mostly she was staring at her queen in wide eyed wonder.

"Well is it?" "Sarah demanded, getting panicky.

The goblins mouth slammed shut. "Oh noes Queenie. Kingy never notice. He um...maybe he can't see too good. Or maybe he be too tired to notice. "

"Oh yes he can. He has perfect day AND night vision! What have I done! "

Just then she heard faint clicking of boots. His boots. Coming closer. "Shit!" she repeated. "Don't you dare tell him where I am."

"Maybe throw a sheet over it." The little goblin suggested helpfully.

"Shut up!" Sarah hissed as her anxiety began to reach full potential and the footsteps got closer.

Frantically she threw herself into her open clothes closet and closed the door.

"Sarah..." She heard him call.

She said nothing, staying quiet. Listening to him walk around, opening doors, calling her name.

"Dorina, where is the Queen? Why are all the goblins acting funny?"

Sarah heard the maid shuffling around. "Wells...Ummm...the Queenie she...you says we always act funny, Kingy."

Sarah heard his frustration. "True but irrelevant. What is this mess and where is my wife!?" He was becoming angry.

"She was here. Now she ain't here. Had my eyes closed. All I see now is mess, just mess. I clean it up. That's my job."

"That's another thing, who threw flowers all over the floor?"

"I dunna knows." The little goblins voice sounded scared. Sarah knew he standing over the little creature glowering at her.

"How can you NOT know?! Are you not in charge of attending to the Queen?"

Sarah's legs were going numb so she shifted.

The slight shift, in her current predicament, cause a pair of boots sitting behind her on a rack to be knocked off and hit the floor with two loud thuds.

"Damn it!" Sarah cursed.

Too loudly. There was a pause.

Her husband's deep voice called through the thick wood. "Sarah?" She heard Jareth come to stand by the the door.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah." she answered.

"What in all the blazes are you doing hiding in the closet?" He replied, sounding confused and irritated.

"I uh...I'm sorting clothes. Putting together outfits, you know just trying to get organized!" She tried to sound cheery. It was more shrill than cheery but oh well.

"With the door closed all cramped and stuffy? And your maid lying for you? Come out of there before you suffocate. You have use of the entire chambers for such activities you know that. I would never complain if you made a temporary mess." He pulled open the door as he spoke.

Sarah, having been hanging onto the knob, was pulled out of the closet and onto the floor along with several coats she had been hanging onto.

"JAR-OOF!" She yelled as she landed on the floor covered in the coats. She was grateful for the temporary shield.

Jareth, ever attentive was there in a second. "Sarah! Are you alright! I had no idea you were hanging on to the door! What is going on!" He began flinging coats and finally got to his wife pulling her surprisingly resistant form up to her feet.

"No I'm fine really I'll take care of this. Just...go for a flight. You need some air." She suggested. She was clinging to the last large fur cloak that hid her shameful mistake.

He watched her with his owl like observational skills, eyes narrowing. Her nervous eyes, flushed face, she was gripping the cloak so hard her knuckles were white. He could smell her recent use of magic in the air.

He stepped back. "I should. You have a good point. However... " He crossed his gloved hands behind his back and began to circle her. Out of the corner of his eye he observed her, Sarah constantly turning as he walked, hiding herself. "...I am curious. You seem incredibly determined to hide yourself from me. Yet you know, I will always find you. I made that vow to you. It's sacred. Why would a wife hide herself from her husband? I know every inch of you. Love every inch of you. Can you clear this up for me? "

Sarah sighed. "I give up. Look, I used magic. It was wrong I know. I shouldn't have done it so don't lecture me. I just wanted...I just wanted the flowers bigger so I could look at them! " She pointed at the mess.

Jareth eyebrow rose and he looked from her to the flowers. "And? Sarah if you have done something I need to know. Yes I might lecture you but I'm also the only one here who can help you. "

"I found this spell, about making beauty easier to see. However it may work. I thought it might work because I think the flowers are beautiful so they would be bigger. It...didn't go that well."

Her husband said nothing. He reached out and took the cloak. It slipped from her fingers and Sarah hung her head in shame as she turned around.

He was silent for a long moment. She just stood there sniffling. Waiting for his judgment.

"Dorina, leave." He said. "Now. "

The little goblin left muttering to herself. "I told her no magic without kingy...no one listens to Dorina...Who has fat butt now... "

Sarah could also hear her mumbling as she left, and so could her king.

"Dorina! Respect or bog! " Jareth yelled.

The door slammed and locked.

Sarah heard and felt his approach. He laid his hands on her shoulders.

"Sarah..." He began.

She turned and threw herself into his arms. "I know! I mean so so sorry! Now look at me! You told me over and over and now I've really done it. I'm ruined!

He tried to comfort her as she sobbed. Behind her back he produced a handkerchief and handed to her.

"Shhhh. " He shushed her crying as he rubbed her back.

After a few minutes she stopped crying and stilled. When she did, she noticed Jareth was softly shaking.

_Oh God! He is mortified!_ She thought to herself. _He thinks I'm ruined. He is going to send me back to the above to live my life in shame for having a huge fat ass!_

She pulled away to apologize to his face, to please help her and not be disgusted.

He was standing there silently laughing. Laughing so hard no sound was coming out. Oh he had tears streaming down his face alright. Tears from laughing. At her.

"How dare you!" She took a swing at him and he dodged to miss it, falling on the floor which caused a loud guffaw to escape that he had been trying to hold in.

"Sarah I..." He tried to speak but just couldn't. He just sat on the floor, holding his middle. Laughing.

"Jareth! I need your help! Please return my ass to normal if it's possible! Tell me I'm not stuck like this. I'm deformed and hideous now!"

The king took a few minutes to gather himself, not looking at his wife. If he did, it started him off again. Eventually he was on his feet and calm, if not occasionally giggling a little.

He wiped his eyes. "Sarah beloved...umph...ah...okay." He took a deep breath in and out. "Firstly, it's not permanent. It's a kind of temporary enamour spell that wears off in a day or so."

There was visible relief in her eyes as her whole body relaxed. He watched some of her ire at him evaporate with it.

"I'm so sorry I laughed. I hate to think of you so fearful of my reaction. Yet when you turned around I...and it wasn't at all what I expected I just..." He was going to start up again so took a pause.

"It's not that bad." he simply told her. "Really. Even with...that...you are completely beautiful. "

He took her arm and with an gentle tug pulled her close.

His wandering hands got curious. He slid them down and found that the offending part was not so offensive. It was quite nice really. Round, full. Not too hard, not to soft. Much like her usual behind, just...larger.

"Mmmmm. You know, Sarah..."Some ideas were forming in his imagination and the visuals were stimulating.

She pulled back, feeling his excitement grow as he was pressed against her and looked up at him.

"You have GOT to be kidding me. Have you been smoking goblin goofy grass? " She looked up him, incredulous.

"Oh Gods no. It gives me a headache and I break out it purple splotches." he answered, grinning. "What can I say, you turn me on, no matter what." He shrugged.

"I can't believe you. Here I was freaking out, and you're turned on. "She stepped away and turned, placing her hands on her hips.

Which for Jareth, accentuated the view nicely. He shook himself out of his horny daze and continued.

"Beloved, it's not that bad. It is usually one cheek fits in one hand, now it might be two..." she glared at him over her shoulder. "...at most." He finished hastily.

He tried to explain further. "Perhaps since you know how much I love your body, the spell felt compelled to make a particular favorite bit particularly prominent. I'm not complaining am I? Spells are sentient things here. That is why I urge such care. You know this."

"The Goblins were laughing at me." Sarah said. Crossing her arms.

"They laugh at soup." He snorted ungracefully. "Hardly a basis for comparison. Certainly no reason to hide in a closet. Would you have lived in there for eternity if it had been irreversible?"

She sighed, relaxing again. "No. I panicked. First I thought you would be mad. Then I thought if I was stuck like this, you would be disgusted and divorce me. I know...it was stupid. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells as I'm learning how it all works here."

She turned and faced him. "So, um, my junk in the trunk isn't so bad?" Seeing his confused look. "Above slang for extra big booty."

He grabbed her and kissed her. "Certainly no junk. More precious than anything else in the universe. I mean you, not just your...trunk."

She smiled and laughed.

"Finally!" He threw his hands into the air. "Can we get back to business?"

Sarah's forehead furrowed. "What business?"

Jareth leered at her and stalked her. She started backing up, closer and closer to the bed. He began pulling off his gloves eyeing her like prey.

"For informational purposes to ass...ertain where the spell went wrong, I'm afraid I will need to inspect the affected area. Closely. Inch by inch. Unclothed. Both of us. I need to get a good grasp on the situation. A crack inspection." He growled, licking his lips.

Jareth lunged.

Sarah screeched in surprise and delight.

He made his inspection, and both were satisfied with the findings. Though Jareth thought several inspections were necessary to make sure.  
_

The next day, Jareth sat on his throne, a satisfied dreamy expression on his face.

All was back to normal and life was perfect. His wife was perfect. Any way he could have her, he would take her.

He saw movement to the side, and turned his head to watch Dorina the goblin maid walk by, through the horde.

It reminded him he needed to tell her to finish cleaning the mess from the day before, when he noticed something...odd.

"Dorina come here! What have you done!?" He exclaimed, commanding her to approach.

She turned. The goblin had obviously stuffed her knickers with rags to make her backside appear larger. Much larger.

"That? Oh king. You not heard. Latest fashion. Can't get good goblin husband without fat behind. All know that."

"Dear Gods what have we done." Jareth said. He sunk back into his throne pinched the bridge of his nose and bellowed loud. "SAAAARRRRAAAHHHH!

As Dorina walked away, she was followed by a dozen salivating male goblins, singing,

"Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round..."

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Fat bottomed girls are awesome even if it's temporary ;)
> 
> Get on your bikes and ride....


End file.
